Family Relationships

In the beginning God created a perfect world. Then he put humans into the world and nothing has been perfect since (Insert smiley face).  We humans have our share of troubles in this life and many of them we bring on ourselves. One of the first troubles that Adam and Even ran into, after eating the forbidden fruit, was trouble between their sons. The jealousy became so great between Cain and Abel that Cain actually killed Abel. Can you imagine! I don’t think I’ve ever been angry enough to actually want to kill one of my own siblings. There may have been times when they all wanted to put me in a pit and sell me down river like Joseph’s siblings did. But hopefully none of them has ever wanted to kill me. (I’m not about to ask).

All joking aside, family relationships are often some of the most troubling. It wasn’t meant to be that way. Home should be the safest place we have and our family relationships should be the most peaceful. We should all know that no matter what dish lives serves up, our family will be there to make the dish more palatable. Unfortunately, that often isn’t the case. I have met a few people who seem to have the perfect little Leave-It-To-Beaver family where everyone loves one another and all problems are solved by dinner time. It sort of leaves the rest of us feeling left out because our situations aren’t quite so perfect. So what are we to do if we find ourselves in a less than perfect family situation? Guess what! There are no perfect families!

We should recognize that perfect families only exist in sitcoms from the 1960s. Everyone else has problems. Everyone! The fact that we have problems doesn’t make us odd. Problems are a part of life in a fallen world. This includes problems in our relationships. We are all imperfect and we should realize that others are imperfect as well. All of us make mistakes and we should give a little grace to the other imperfect human beings around us- even when these mistake makers are family members. Ever notice that it is harder to deal with a family member’s imperfections than with a co-worker’s imperfections? Why is this? Because we expect more from our family members and often our expectations are not realistic.

Some of us seem to have the idea that our family members should always understand us. This is so not true. We all have different personalities, different ways of seeing the world. Those differences can make the world a beautiful place. They are also the source of much contention. We shouldn’t expect family members to always agree with us or always have the same values. What is important to me may not be important to another member of my family and vice versa. This does not make either one of us intrinsically evil. It just means we have different goals. We can give this grace to our friends and fellow church members so why not to our family members as well!

We should also realize that no family member, whether it be a spouse, a sibling, a parent, or a child, can bring us happiness. Each of us must find his own contentment in himself. We Christians understand that this contentment can only be found in a true relationship with God. When one is at peace with himself and with God then it is easier to be at peace with our family members. Our happiness or lack thereof, is not dependent on what another person does or how s/he behaves. It is far easier to get along with someone when we don’t expect that person to be the source of our inner peace.

All of us should pray for our family situations. Prayer is the most powerful weapon we have against the attacks of the enemy. There is no place the devil likes to attack more than in a family. The enemy knows that if he can bring division in our families he can throw everything out of line. When we see this happening, we should understand that this is the enemy attacking so that we can pray against it. We often remind ourselves in times of strife that our co-workers and church members are not our enemies. We learn to pray for unity when there is misunderstanding. We should do the same in our families.

The family unit is God’s original order for mankind. In the beginning God saw that it wasn’t good for man to be alone so he created a wife for Adam. In time they had children and then trouble started. If you feel like your family situation is less than perfect, you are not alone. There have been family misunderstandings since the beginning of time and there will be as long as the world stands. If we learn to respond correctly, this trouble does not have to turn into strife or bitterness. It can be a time of growth rather than heartache.

The best remedy is to pray for our family members. We should ask God to give us his love for our family members. We tend to think that we should automatically love our family members but this is unrealistic. Love is not natural; it is supernatural. True love can only come from God. If we ask him too, God will fill us with his love and help us to show it to our family members. This love will conquer a multitude of evil and help us to redeem the relationships that are most important to us.

If you have a family situation that is less than perfect, don’t give up. Pray for that troubling relationship and watch God work. It is God’s will that there be peace between family members. No one is beyond the reach of God’s grace; no situation is too difficult for God’s intervention. God hasn’t given up on us and we should never give up on one another.

Blessings,

Pastor Sullivan Jones

Disclaimer: I have the perfect family and none of this applies to us. I am working on my master’s degree in Family Counseling and my thoughts on the subject gave birth to this article. I had no one particular in mind while writing.