When You Don't Have the Answers

When You Don’t Have the Answers

When I lived in Honduras I conducted a weekly prayer meeting and Bible study in the home of a lady in the church. Here name was Maria and she lived with her daughter Maira in a barrio in a rough part of the city. They were precious people who loved God. Though the house was small it was always clean and this Bible study was the highlight of my week.

In addition to her daughter Maira, Maria had a son. He was a drug addict who I had been told lived in the streets. I had never met him. One night we returned late from a church function to a death message. Maria’s son had been found dead. I didn’t learn the details of the death but I do remember the funeral because it was the first one I had taken part in.

In most Central American countries funerals are quite different than in North America. The bodies are not embalmed so they must be buried within 24 hours. The family goes to the funeral home, picks out a casket and waits while the body is prepared. They usually wake the body through the night, having a service sometime that night or the next day. Then they go to the graveyard and have a service similar to what we would do here in the U.S. The main difference is that they wait until the casket is buried before leaving the cemetery. I have often thought this practice to be harder on the families than if they left before the body is buried.

We arrived at the funeral home to find the family already gathered. Sister Maria saw me, grabbed me in a hug, and begain to wail, “Mi muchachito, (my little boy) he went to hell.” I prayed with her and tried to comfort her as best I could. There were no words that I could really say. I didn’t have all the answers.

I stayed with her and a hand full of others through the night at the funeral home. After daylight the family members who had gone home returned. We had a short service where I officiated. The whole service was probably fifteen minutes. By this time I was bone tired and everything seemed surreal.

I resisted the urge to give an answer because there were no answers to give. I simply talked about the love of God and assured them that he would bare their griefs. I talked about the holiness of life. Maria had several small grandchildren and I emphasized that God had given hope for a future generation through the children born into the family.  Many times we as Christians feel weak in trying times because we feel compelled to give an answer. We seem to think that the unchurched expect us to have an answer for everything. I think they know that we do not have such an answer. We do ourselves and them a discredit when we try to come up with an answer.

I am convinced the best thing we can do for people in such times is just to be there and show our love and concern. We can let them cry on our shoulders and pray with them. We can let them know that God is concerned and the Holy Spirit is a comforter. If we are asked “why” it is best to answer honestly; “I don’t know.” The greatest witnesss that we can give is when people see us go through difficulties and yet we have peace.

Recently a fellow minister contacted me for advice on how to conduct a funeral for a five-week-old baby. The baby was born with health problems and did not make it. Naturally the family was devastated. I gave him the same advice. Don’t act like you understand when you don’t. Just be there to help the family make decisions and offer your support. Let them know that God loves them and will help them through their grief. Talk about the sanctity of life and assure them the baby’s short life was not a waste. Above all just be there and they will appreciate you for it.

Do you know someone who is going through a hard time? You may not feel like you are strong enough to be the comfort they need. You don’t have to be. You just have to care and that makes all the difference in the world. The next time you are confronted with a similar situation why not pray this prayer:

“Lord, help me to be a comfort to this family. Help me to show them through my love that you love them more than I ever could. Comfort them in their grief and give me the right words to say. In Jesus name, amen.”